As Nobody Wants This returns, couples share their religious conversion experiences

When 29-year-old Ben met his Jewish boyfriend Liam* seven years ago, religion hadn’t played a role in his life before. Ben was raised in an atheist home and attended a secular school, but he would occasionally attend Jewish festivals as Liam’s guest. All of this changed when Liam moved abroad three years ago to study to become a rabbi, and the distance left Ben missing both his boyfriend – and his newfound religious community.

“When he was gone [and] there was no longer any reason for me to keep going as a guest, that’s when I began to seriously consider converting,” says Ben. From there, he got in touch with the rabbi at Liam’s Reform synagogue – which practices progressive Judaism, a major denomination that adapts traditional Jewish practices to modern life and culture – and completed a two-year conversion process. Ben took conversion classes and had final interviews with three rabbis, completing his conversion a year ago this month.

Choosing religion for – or inspired by – a romantic partner is the focal point of Netflix’s hit romcom series Nobody Wants This, which follows agnostic sex podcaster Joanne (played by Kristen Bell) and the “hot rabbi” Noah (Adam Brody) as they repeatedly break up over their religious differences, along with Noah’s family’s disapproval and Joanne’s reluctance to convert. In the latest installment out this week (warning: spoilers follow), their relationship gets more serious – and Joanne finally embarks on the conversion process that the past two seasons have built up to.

In Nobody Wants This, which is based on series writer Erin Foster’s experience of converting to Judaism when she married her husband Simon Tikhman, Joanne initially has to convert in order to reinstate Noah’s reputation as a rabbi. But when she attends her first conversion class, she is confronted with the weight of her decision.

When the participants begin to describe their connection to Judaism, Joanne kicks things off by gushing over her handsome boyfriend, rather than speaking about the religion itself. She immediately faces disapproval from the other participants, since converting solely for a partner is discouraged in Judaism (Rabbis typically look for an independent commitment to Jewish life instead). But, as the series progresses, Joanne seems to find her own journey with the religion.

Debra Feinberg, a therapist and founder of Maplewood Counseling in New Jersey, says that couples should have honest, open conversations before a partner chooses to convert. She suggests partners ask, “What does this mean to you?”, to figure out if the decision comes from “family pressure, fear of losing the relationship, or trying to please your partner.” Another question she urges asking is: “What happens if, down the road, one of us feels differently?”

Feinberg adds that the person who chooses to convert can feel acute pressure. “Interfaith couples I’ve worked with can struggle with the expectations about how it will feel to say ‘I will convert,’ and how it actually feels to go through the process.” Lots of couples can handle it, she says, but those who struggle more are the ones that are “rigid and inflexible about how it has to go, especially around raising children and dealing with in-laws.”

The decision to convert to any religion is never straightforward and often requires deep soul-searching. Very early on in his conversion process, Ben found that his classes had nothing to do with his relationship because converting is meant to be such an independent experience. “I had introduced myself to the rabbi and to the team at the synagogue and I said, well, ‘My partner’s moved away to study to become a rabbi’. But they couldn’t care less what my partner was doing. They wanted to know what I was doing and what I wanted,” he says. “There were a couple of people in my class who were converting, who had Jewish partners, but the vast majority of people either didn’t have a Jewish partner or didn’t feel [it was] worth mentioning, because it was such an individual thing to do.”

Greg, a 26-year-old graphic designer who was raised an atheist, converted to Islam before marrying his wife Hubbah, who he met during his first year of college. He found it was a natural step in their relationship, and he took his Shahada – the Islamic declaration of faith – in 2024 with Hubbah’s grandfather. Greg began with small lifestyle changes, like giving up pork, and then alcohol further down the line. “We obviously had lots of conversations and then I started doing it in bits and pieces as I went,” he says.

Greg’s family were supportive of his decision and his relationship. “I guess for other people on the outside, it might have looked strange but it felt really natural and normal,” he says. “My parents were pretty on board and they’re very open-minded. And obviously I had been with my partner for four years at that point, so they saw it coming and I had already started to make lifestyle changes.”

At the start, Greg’s partner’s mom was rightly curious about where the relationship was going. “[Her mom] might have been a bit worried that she was going to be with someone from a different culture. It all worked out in the end – her family has been very welcoming. I think they can see that I’m the right person.”

Ben also had positive reactions from his family when he began his conversion. “My mom said, ‘Can I be Jewish too?’ Because all she had heard from me about it is like the amazing food and these lovely dinners that I’ve been having with these really hospitable people,” he says, adding that his dad was supportive too. As a gay man in a Progressive synagogue, he felt welcomed. “The answer might be unexpected, but nobody has ever even raised an eyebrow about it at all,” he says. “The only people who have raised an eyebrow are non-Jewish people when I explain the situation to them.”

For both Ben and Greg, practicing the same religion as their partners has strengthened their respective relationships. Ben says that practicing the same religion has helped him and Liam communicate better and stay connected. “It helped us develop a more common language,” he says. “And I find less and less that I have to ask, okay, what exactly is that?”

Feinberg, too, has seen the benefits for couples who practice the same religion. “Practicing the same religion can bring couples together by sharing rituals, holidays, common values and things to look forward to together,” she says. Still, she says it should not be seen as a substitute for a lack of communication. “Connection comes from respect and curiosity, not from having the same beliefs,” she says.

The therapist advises new couples with religious differences to be open-minded and curious. “Ask about the meaning behind certain traditions, or build a blend of traditions…. alternate them, or even create new ones,” she says. “Remember to respect your differences rather than trying to avoid or erase them.” It’s solid advice for all couples, from Joanne and Noah in Nobody Wants This to Greg and Hubbah.

From his experience, Greg encourages new couples to talk openly about religion, rather than ignoring the elephant in the room. “We had a conversation about it early on and if I wasn’t as into it, the relationship could have crumbled if I wasn’t willing to go through with it,” he says. “You’ve just got to be honest with each other.”

*names have been changed