Kerry Washington has opened up about the near-fatal effects of her eating disorder that led her to seek help.
The Scandal star, 49, first disclosed her battle with binge eating in a 2020 interview with Essence. She later detailed the “toxic” disorder in her 2023 memoir, Thicker Than Water.
Now speaking on the latest episode of the Call Her Daddy podcast, Washington recalled that it wasn’t her relationship with food itself that forced her to seek treatment. Instead, it was how she used it as a “tool not to be here.”
“I was in a real mental health crisis. The thing that actually got me to get help with my eating disorder wasn’t the food itself, wasn’t the behavior with the food,” she said. “It was the suicidal ideation.”
She explained that at the time, she was “trying to escape life.” But she eventually realized she needed “to figure out how to be in life because I was terrified that I was being so mean to myself. That I was in so much pain that it was like inflicting more pain was the only way out of my pain.”
Washington acknowledged the difficulty of recognizing you have an eating disorder when you’re in the throes of it. “I know I’ve spoken to women before on my show where they say like it’s sometimes easier to stay in it,” she said.
“Not to diminish the power of any addiction, but there are some addictions where the work is like you have to put it down and you stop,” she continued. “And one of the things that’s tricky about an eating disorder is I have to take this tiger out of a cage and pet it like a house cat three times a day. Right. Like that is one of the interesting dynamics is that you can’t just say ‘I’m not going to eat.’ That’s actually another extension of an eating disorder. You have to be in relationship with this thing that is so challenging to engage with.”
Washington — who stars in the new Apple TV+ psychological thriller series Imperfect Women, alongside Elisabeth Moss and Kate Mara — previously spoke about developing an eating disorder in her teen years that worsened by the time she went to college.
It “became a toxic cycle of self-abuse that utilized the tools of starvation, binge eating, body obsession, and compulsive exercise,” she told ABC’s Robin Roberts in 2023. Although she said at the time she was at a much better place with her eating disorder, she said there are times she still needs to “check herself.”
“I wouldn’t say that I never act out with food, it’s just very different now,” Washington said. “It’s not to the extreme. There’s no suicidal ideation, that is not where I am anymore. But I know: ‘Oh, I’m really into this chocolate, this is good information for me.’ The bottom has gotten a lot higher where just a little discomfort with it is enough for me to know this is a way to check myself.”
For anyone struggling with the issues raised in this article, eating disorder charity Beat’s helpline is available 365 days a year on 0808 801 0677. NCFED offers information, resources and counselling for those suffering from eating disorders, as well as their support networks. Visit eating-disorders.org.uk or call 0845 838 2040.
If you are experiencing feelings of distress, or are struggling to cope, you can speak to the Samaritans, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email jo@samaritans.org, or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch
If you are based in the USA, and you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call or text 988, or visit 988lifeline.org to access online chat from the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. This is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If you are in another country, you can go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you.
