If you thought long marriages were all candlelight and chemistry, Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos are here to lovingly ruin that illusion.
On a recent episode of Live With Kelly and Mark, the couple turned a random koala study into a full-on comedy sketch about their own relationship.
Mark, comparing himself to the surprisingly chill animals, explained, “When they’re mating… Sometimes they’re not interested… Instead of being heartbroken, they go back to sleep.”
Kelly didn’t miss the opening. “It’s like you!” she shot back – before delivering the real punchline: “I pop my retainer in. He hears the retainer pop in, it’s like a chastity belt!”
Romance? Immediately cancelled.
Mark leaned in on the bit, adding, “I come to bed with my little eucalyptus leaf, and I’m like, ‘Hey, you want to fool around? No? Okay.’”
And yes, this is just another day of oversharing for the couple who have been married since 1996. They have previously admitted their schedules – and preferences – don’t exactly align.
Kelly prefers nighttime, Mark used to campaign for mornings.
“I said to him, ‘Here’s the thing… It can’t always be your way… my way’s at night only,’” she shared.
But reality had other plans.
“I have a retainer in… And he’s got his nasal strips on. It’s like we are the most repulsive, disgusting [people].”
Mark now concedes defeat: “I’ve got to tell you, this job has really gotten in the way of that… It’s been the antidote for it.”
Moral of the story? Love evolves. Sometimes… it just comes with a retainer.
