Why single women in their thirties think Noah in Nobody Wants This is the perfect man

Create a machine that makes the perfect man for single straight women in their thirties, and I’ll bet the only thing that pops out is Noah Roklov. Or variations of Noah Roklov – maybe in some versions he’s taller, younger, or has blonde hair. But the fundamentals will stay the same.

At his core, this is the person we’re all yearning for: a man whose personality, attachment style, and communication habits defy every stereotype and expectation. The reason? He was created by a woman. I’m talking about Nobody Wants This, the hit Netflix series whose third season lands on the streaming platform on Thursday.

In case you need reminding, the romcom series revolves around a relationship between two people in their mid-30s: agnostic podcaster Joanne (played by Kristen Bell) and bohemian rabbi Noah (Adam Brody). In the previous two seasons, we’ve seen the breakup and makeup several times, often over the same issue: Joanne isn’t Jewish and is reluctant to convert.

Well, this season, that’s no longer an issue. And all seems well in the land of Joanne and Noah, mostly because he is, quite simply, the perfect man. Beyond that, though, he seems to represent everything that single straight women are looking for, and largely failing to find, on the dating scene today.

The fervour around this character was there from the outset. Kind, understanding, patient, and charmed rather than repelled by Joanne’s neuroses, Noah represented everything anxiously attached women like me dreamed about. Someone who embraced the chaos and found it endearing. And wanted to support her in her vulnerable moments rather than run a mile from her. A person secure enough in themselves to find humour in occasional bouts of hysteria. And hold her hand when that was all she needed.

One moment from season one stands out. After Noah clearly expresses his romantic interest in her, Joanne turns around to look the other way, explaining that her biggest fear is becoming emotionally dependent on a man who will one day realise she’s too much for him and break her heart. Again, this is a song all of us have sung at one point or another. I certainly have, anyway. Particularly in today’s dating scene, which feels so loaded with emotional grenades, it’s practically a war zone.

So many of us are jaded, unavailable, and unsure of what we want, spending too long trying to figure it out with someone while sending so many mixed messages they might as well be in different languages. It’s hard to be vulnerable, to ask someone straight up: are you going to break my heart? Well, in this scene, Joanne does. And Noah’s reply is pitch-perfect (remember, he’s the invention of a woman; the series was created by Erin Foster): he listens, gently holds her shoulders, and tells Joanne that he wants to be with her. That he wants to be with all of her. She finally feels accepted for who she is! Hooray!

It’s scenes like this that make Nobody Wants This so popular. It’s also the fact that these characters are at an age when dating can start to feel characterised by feelings of fear and desperation. What if he isn’t out there? What if I’m too broken from previous partners to fall in love again? What if I don’t find someone in time to have children? And so on. Put simply: single women have more emotional baggage in their mid-thirties than we might’ve had in our mid-twenties. Our desire to feel safe, seen, and understood is more potent than ever.

Nobody Wants This does a very good job of reminding us that Noah serves that exact purpose for Joanne throughout its latest season, too, regardless of how increasingly neurotic she seems. After moving in together, Joanne freaks out about having her morning routine disrupted by Noah’s presence. He laughs it off and gently asks her what she needs from him to feel more comfortable. Again, this is exactly what we’d all hope for.

Another moment crops up later on when a f*** boy from Joanne’s past shows up and badmouths her to Noah, who instantly shuts him down. Later, when Joanne says she noticed Noah speaking to her ex, he decides to spare her the humiliation and tells her the ex is still obsessed with her, knowing that’s just what she wants to hear. See? He’s a superhero.

He’s also a mirage, a character so rooted in fiction and mythology that meeting a man like this in real life would be akin to seeing a unicorn on London Fields with a top knot. It’s important to remember that, particularly in a dating landscape that often sees us making sweeping judgements about a prospective partner based on nothing but six photos and a few pithy, and potentially AI-generated, prompts. Our imaginations can run wild, and we fill in the gaps with whatever we want to see, often missing red flags in the process.

Noah is perfect because he’s not real. Just like other pop culture heroes before him.

So, without further ado, please enjoy our list of the good and bad boyfriends of modern telly who millennial women like me have likely been fixated on at one point or another.

The good:

Seth Cohen: There’s a reason they cast Adam Brody as Noah. He’s a grown-up variant of another beloved TV boyfriend: The OC’s infamously awkward, bumbling, and charming Seth Cohen. He made some mistakes, don’t get me wrong, but for the most part, Seth was the kind and considerate partner to Summer (Rachel Bilson) we all pined after.

Connell Waldron in Normal People: Technically this is a character from a book, but given that Normal People was such a successful TV adaptation, one that shot Paul Mescal into stratospheric fame, it would be remiss not to include the brooding, sensitive but deeply caring, chain-wearing Connell Waldron.

Anthony Bridgerton: Oh, how we swooned for Jonathan Bailey when he depicted the male lead in Bridgerton opposite a love interest played by Simone Ashley. The lovers-to-enemies trajectory has us caught in a chokehold, as did Anthony’s transformation from lascivious Lothario to committed lover boy.

The bad:

Mr Big: He’s probably the worst of them all. The indisputable bad boyfriend in all TV history: Carrie Bradshaw’s on-off situationship who cheats on his wife, spends years manipulating Carrie, and ultimately leaves her at the altar. Oh, and he also has the emotional capabilities of a teaspoon.

Joe Goldberg: A serial killer does seem like a fairly obvious bad boyfriend, but You’s Joe Goldberg was a character cloaked in charisma that made him all the more complex – and pernicious. Responsible for giving millennials everywhere anxiety about being cyber-stalked, Joe is certainly up there with one of the worst TV boyfriends we’ve ever seen.

Damon Salvatore: The ultimate bad boy, Damon was the sexy anti-hero we all loved to hate. But in spite of all the murders, the rage issues, and the manipulation of Elena, we still tried to believe he was one of the good ones. He was not.