The crucial money questions adults should ask ageing parents – even if it’s awkward
Few conversations will feel as awkward as asking your parents about their finances.
It’s why many families avoid the topic for years or even decades – until a serious illness, incapacity, or bereavement forces it out into the open. Unfortunately by then, it’s often too late to avoid a lot of unnecessary stress, paperwork or disagreements.
As parents or loved ones age, balancing respect for their independence with the need to get their financial affairs in order becomes increasingly tricky.
But if adult children don’t have clear knowledge of key issues like wills, assets, care wishes and legal authority, they can be left making difficult decisions in the dark later down the line. There is also then little chance that their parents’ wishes will be fully known or met.
“Early conversations are the best way to avoid confusion and unintended consequences,” says Jeannie Boyle, chartered financial planner at EQ Investors.
“It’s not about control; it’s about ensuring that everyone’s wishes are understood and can be acted upon.”
You don’t need to pore over every penny, but you do need to know the essentials. Here are the crucial questions to ask your parents – sooner rather than later.
1. Do you have a record of your assets, and where is it kept?
The most common estate-planning mistake is simply not knowing where everything is. Current and savings accounts, pensions, insurance policies and investment statements should be stored in one place, complete with account numbers.
“If they haven’t already, ask them to keep it all in a folder in a safe, accessible place,” says Boyle. “Web-based storage services are increasingly popular. Digital storage can also prevent records from getting lost or falling into the wrong hands.”
A clear, organised record saves stress and time later and reduces the risk that important details will be overlooked.
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2. Do you have a financial plan, and when was it last reviewed?
People are living longer than ever, meaning pensions and savings must last further into retirement. “A 65-year-old woman can now expect to live to 90 on average,” Boyle says.
Ask your parents about their income sources. Do they have a defined benefit pension paying a fixed income? Or are their savings invested in the stock market, with fluctuating values? Are they relying on state pensions alone for extra income beyond savings? Get details of any financial adviser, solicitor, or accountant they use.
If your parents plan to pass on wealth while still alive – an increasingly popular choice known as giving while living – this can reduce inheritance tax, but the rules are complex so consider taking professional advice and ensure records are kept.
3. Have you made a will, and is it up to date?
A will must reflect current wishes, so regular reviews are important. “If it’s been more than five years since they last updated it, suggest they review it,” Boyle says.
Check beneficiary details on life insurance and pension policies to ensure they match the will, as these usually take priority, and mismatches can cause disputes.
If your parents have made any unusual or unexpected bequests, discussing them now avoids surprises later. Boyle adds: “We’ve all heard of someone leaving £1m to their pet dog.”
4. Have you set up a lasting power of attorney?
A lasting power of attorney (LPA) allows a trusted person to manage financial and/or health decisions if your parents lose mental capacity.
“The key is to set it up sooner rather than later,” says Boyle. “Without one, you may find you are not able to make a choice on their behalf, and you won’t have access to their finances in order to make any payments required.”
There are two types: one for property and finances, the other for health and welfare.
They can be arranged separately or together, but only while your parents can still give consent.
5. If you could no longer care for yourself, what would you want to happen?
This may be the hardest question, but knowing your parents’ care preferences now makes future decisions easier. Would they want to stay at home with carers, move closer to family, or consider assisted living?
“If your parent loses independence gradually, you can take over responsibilities step by step,” Boyle says. “But balance the risks of no oversight against the mistake of overstepping boundaries.”
These discussions shouldn’t be one-offs. Revisiting them as circumstances change ensures your parents’ wishes are known and prevents you from guessing when it matters most.
And hopefully, the more you talk about money, the less awkward it becomes.
When investing, your capital is at risk and you may get back less than invested. Past performance doesn’t guarantee future results.
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